screenshot roundup #1: "secret annex"

This idea was lifted straight from the great Fujichia's "Glitch Roundup" post. Go read that (and the whole blog) if you're unfamiliar.

Screenshots, evil captchas, bad machine translations, broken links, Covid-19-era artifacts, stock images, suggestions, ads, patents, headlines, game dialogs, etc.

Stardew valley screenshot. I think this is Kent. He's saying '...Things have changed' — a worried man with a worried mind (a real Bob music video!)

Screenshot of three figures. Each figure is overlayed with an dashed outline of itself, leaning slightly. The text says: hate your job? try astral projection — try astral projection

Stock image, with watermark, of a cheery man holding a banana to his ear like a telephone — ring ring ring ring ring ring ring

Two older people, man and woman, walking hand-in-hand on a beach. The man holds the leash of a dog and has a very large smile. The woman appears to be wearing a bathrobe. — bathrobe

Two tech bros conversing on a bench. They both wear suits, and ridiculous helments with clear shields covering their faces. Covid-19 relic. — bros

Screenshot of a definition of 'callipygian' from the dictionary. The definition is 'having a well-shaped buttocks'. — 🍑

Three VR figures without arms or legs, hovering in what might be a Novascotian cabin. The headling reads, 'Communicate naturally'. — communicate naturally

An incomprensible Covid-19 graph, courtesy, I think, of the New York Times. It has the spiky covid-thing in the middle, and about 1000 tiny bar-graph-bars flowing down from the top in different colors and heights. There are no axis labels. — remember when the nytimes would put out these cursed covid graphs every 12 hours?

Screenshot of an amazon review for an electric pencil sharpener, translated, I think, from German. It reads, 'My child, 9 years old, can now, without stressing me out, after which I have developed 100% painful pale skin, piss on the pencils independently. I am very satisfied, it runs without any problems.' — without stressing me out

A useless color-code for weather radar, reading 'Light / Moderate / Heavy / Extreme', with corresponding colors in a progressing gradient, except that as the code moves toward 'Extreme' the color becomes white, and then pink, which is the same pink as 'Moderate'. — extreme

Screenshot of a LinkedIn post, with an image of pretty, corporate-looking woman with a strange plastic facemask around the base of her face, nose and chin. The mask part is lifted up at a hinge above the nose, so that she can take a sip of her to-go coffee. She looks to right at something off camera. — facemask

Photo of a fortunte cookie fortune, with fortune in both English and German. It reads, 'FUTURE PROMISES YOUR HAPPINESS. / ZUKUNFT VERSPRICHT DEIN GLÜCK. — future promises your happiness

Screenshot of an iOS notification that reads, 'Harry Bigwood's invitation is waiting for your... More opportunities to grow vour network' — harry bigwood

Screenshot of one of LinkedIn's unhinged captcha's, I think. You are supposed to select the bowling ball, the tennis ball, and then the sun, in that order. Everything looks like it's made of pixelated vomit. — in this order

Screenshot of a mobile webpage translated from German to English. The headline reads 'WE CAN VERY WELL LAUGH ABOUT OURSELVES' — laugh

Screenshot of a webpage headline translated from German to English. It reads 'May be warmer than hot hands' — may be warmer

Figure from what I believe is a patent application. It has four panels. In the first, a man sits in front of a couch directly in front of an enormous TV, upon which are two figures, one of whom is shooting the other at point blank range. In the next panel, the image on the screen has changed to a giant hamburger, and a speech bubble emits from the TV, saying 'SAY MCDONALDS TO END COMMERCIAL'. In the third panel, where the hamburger remains on the screen, the man rises from his couch, puts his arms in the air, and yells, 'MCDONALDS!' In the fourth and last panel, the man is seated again, and once again watching on the screen the two figure from the first panel, one shooting the other at point- blank range. — mcdonalds

Screenshot of a headline, auto-translated from German to English, that reads 'Must have victims in the summer heat' — must have

now trending

Image of what I believe was supposed to be an office worker as an office worker would look after many years of sitting at a desk experience little sunlight and physical activity. It is not a real human face, very pale, looks both vaguely androgenous, and also vaguely like Nic Cage. The eyes are ringed in dark baggy skin; the face is bloated. The smile is dead. This figure, and what it portened, really frightened me at the time, and still does! — office worker

Screenshot of a short bit of text, reading 'Bravery redirect here' — redirects

Screenshot of an auto-translated form for trash collection, I think, translation from German to English. A dropdown for 'Building part' is open, and the options are 'Front building', 'Secret annex', 'Side wing', 'garage', and 'garden'. (Those guys were very helpful and efficient when they showed up.) — secret annex

Looks like we've got another maledictory LinkedIn captcha. This one has six panels. In each is the same featureless greyscale fawn, and in each the fawn is rotated at random as though he were lost in the vacuum of space and time. — the correct way up

Screenshot of some text that reads, '#speakfreely read less' — speak freely read less

Screenshot of what I think is a LinkedIn attestation, reading: 'the last couple of years. Mike has a talent for being human' — talent

Screenshot from a LinkedIn message, reading 'Hope this finds you well. I am working with an undisputed leader'. 'Undisputed leader' is in quotes. — undisputed leader

Screenshot from a news article. It reads, 'We are waiting for a snake experts assessment, added the spokesman. — snake expert